My Thoughts on some "A" words

I probably won't get to really proof this before publishing, but it's been on my mind so much lately, I just had to get it out.  And I know I created this blog to be primarily about GF, but I need to digress for a moment.

I've heard a great deal of talk about ADHD lately.  Well, not just lately, for a long time now.  Also about another "A" word - Autism.  And it occurred to me that, well, I'm not so sure we should be surprised that these two diagnoses are on the rise. 

First of all, I'm not so sure that "multi-tasking" isn't just asking us all to demonstrate some controlled ADHD.  Are we really supposed to do 2-3 or more things at once?  And pay enough attention to them that they are done well?  Or even completed in a timely manner?

Second, is it really ADHD, or just an impatience factor?  We expect EVERYTHING to be fast now.  Our internet connections, commercials, replies to emails, sharing of pictures on social networking sites.  Fast, fast, fast.  And truthfully, when you are in a moment...a joyous one, and sad one, one of any significance at all - are you thinking, "I need to post this!" Instead of just enjoying it?  Believe me, I HATE TO ADMIT this, but I do this.  I click pictures with my phone as things happen and go to share them on a public networking site.  Or I start to wonder if I should share them here.  I saw this happening many many times at our son's birthday party.  People were conversing with each other, and texting/updating at the same time.  Is that a focused conversation?  Is that multi-tasking?  OR is it just not fully attending to what you are doing in the moment? I find myself having to hold back from checking my emails or social networking sites while sitting at red lights.  I have learned to resist this, but man, I really don't want to just SIT there.  I want to be occupied with something.  What has happened to me that I can't just wait without having to be distracted by something else? 

Onto the next "A" - Autism/Aspergers

Here's what I wonder: are we adapting ourselves out of a one-on-one, face-to-face society?  I don't know about you, but I have friends that I can only reach by text now.  I used to fight this - I'd much rather have a conversation on the phone than send 160 character texts and get the voice inflections, the feelings behind comments from friends.  But we can't.  We are too busy doing other things.  We can't talk out loud - someone may hear us or we might interrupt where we are at the time.  But then, where ever you are - you're texting instead of attending, so I'm right back at the ADHD question.  We don't really have to be face-to-face as much any more.  One recurring theme in autism is difficulty being with others and socializing/using social skills.

Rarely do I get to see my social networking friends in person.  Please don't get me wrong - I am so happy that it exists.  It is a great way to keep up with what friends are doing.  But, where's the personalization?  Where's the expression?  What kind of body language is that person using to describe their life?  Where is the emotion?  We don't have to have or use eye-contact over the computer.  Even though a person says they are doing ok, are they a little lonely?  How would you really know without seeing them????  We aren't really required to use our social skills online, so why is it a surprise that a great deal of children don't understand them?    Or learn to use them?

 I remember this example from a communication course I attended a couple of years ago and it struck a chord with me.  When most of us were kids, we would hang out in our neighborhoods for HOURS playing and playing and playing.  Our parents had to call us home for dinner most of the time.  We had to figure out the social rules on our own.  How to get along.  How to keep up interest in our day.  How to just be with each other.  Our children don't get to do that.  We have to plan "play dates" and supervise them - and jump in when someone starts to get their feelings hurt.  Yes, we are teaching our children how to be friends, but don't you wish that sometimes they could have to figure things out for themselves?  Like we did?  To feel the embarrassment, or sadness associated with an hurtful moment.  Those lessons always stuck with me.  I use them as examples for our son.  But will he have examples of his own to teach his children? Or will he have to use mine? I wish we didn't have to structure so much. I know, it's a crazy, scary, unsafe world and we can't just let our children out to play like we did.  But that is a bummer.

 And children with autism are frequently attracted to spinning, or quickly moving objects.  They "stim" on them.  Well, isn't that just about what we all expect?  Things to move quickly and make us feel good or calm, or in control? 

A  young friend of mine told me once about a guy she had a date with in college (within the past 5 years or so).  He asked her out via a social networking site, but once on the date had no idea how to conduct himself.  He appeared witty and charming online, but didn't know how to translate that to person-to-person.  Sure, he may have been shy, but I'm not so sure that was the problem. 

 In short, I worry.  I worry about what we may be doing to ourselves.  About how we may be evolving. Yes, let's keep up with technology, but not forget how very important being in the presence of other people really is.   I need to work on this. 

Let me know what you think about these things.  Good or bad.  Yes, I may get my feelings hurt if you disagree with me, but I'll get over it.

Thanks for letting me share.

Sandra